on seeing your ex (part 3)
unfortunately for me, i study at the same university (and the same degree) as my ex. so today, i ran into them again. they didn't see me, or at least acted as if they didn't see me (they were weirdly focused on their phone while walking). i hope they saw me. i hope they saw me walking right past them.
that might sound like nothing, but for me that's a big deal. for almost two years i waited and waited for the moment i would see them again, with the silly hope that it would change anything. that things would right themselves (at least a bit). now, the hope's gone. i'm not jumping at the opportunity to talk to them anymore.
that person that i used to think was so nice, so wonderful? they're gone. i don't know if they ever existed. instead, there's this hull of a person. empty, except for all the hate they have for me. "i don't like you." that's a quote.
my therapist says my ex is sadistic and acting inhumane. it was deeply satisfying to hear that. to know that no, it's not me. i'm not crazy. i do deserve better. i am being treated terribly. unfortunately i still don't 100% believe it, because when somebody tells you that you're crazy for so long, you start believing it. (side note: if somebody tells you they have a crazy ex-girlfriend, don't believe them. it's easy to act 'crazy' when you're being treated like shit.)
sigh. life is hard for me right now. i really don't need these random sightings of a person that damaged me so much. but i'm proud of myself for how little it effected me, because not long ago it would have been much worse.
what are your little wins?
જ⁀✉ ᯓ➤ leave a nice comment (i'd really appreciate it!)