on first dates and disappointments
a few days ago i went on a date!
for those of you who don't know (all of you): i'm in a very happy open relationship, and am polyamorous. however, i have no experience with it and this was my first time going on a date while in a relationship with someone else! funnily enough it was on my partner's birthday but that was fine because they had to work literally all day anyway and we celebrated the day after. well anyway.
i saw this really cute/hot person on hinge, and even though i get a lot of likes on dating apps (you know- because of being a woman) they were not one of those likes even though i've had hinge for months at that point, so i thought liking them would not go anywhere. typical "they're too hot for me anyway" thought process. well, i tried anyway and we matched and they turned out to be really nice and easy to talk to!
eventually we decided to go on a cinema date, and it was fun (even though my social anxiety makes meetings like this hell - but that's a topic for another day). they also had a beautiful outfit on and perfect makeup. at the end of the date, though, they said that they enjoyed themself but it would probably just be a platonic thing. they were trying to be kind to me, telling me right away, and it is kind, but i was hugely disappointed anyway. i cried when i came home.
here's a weird fact about me: i've never been on a bad date. in fact, i've never been on a date with anyone i then didn't have at least some sort of romantic/sexual relationship with later. so this is a first, which is probably why it stings so much.
but i need to remind myself that friends are wonderful to have, and i am looking for friends (i don't really have many), and i do really want to be this person's friend because they are nice and talented and cool. i just hope my disappointment at the failed date won't be an obstruction to the friendship.
well, at least i've got a little win over my social anxiety that i can tell my therapist about!
off-topic:
i've received a very ironic hate comment on a previous blogpost of mine and it made me feel even worse. this blog was supposed to help make me feel better. maybe i should disable comments - but then i feel so lonely here. leave some nice words perhaps?
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